Memories
by Jadet
Summary: my veiw on why Heero doesn't let anyone too close to his heart, it has to do with the death of his mother..... warning some language, not too bad though! Please review!!


Authors Notes: Hi everyone, this is my first GW fic, so please be gentle. I'm just a newie Gundam lover and wanted to try out this story in my head. I made up the character Jessica, I know she isn't Heero's aunt and I know Sara is not his mother(real creative names huh? ^_^). This story is entirely made up and in no way ties in to the original GW plot. And yes, I know, that all the characters of somewhat out of character, but oh well. It helps the story a bit. Both songs(the one at the beginning and the one Jessica sings) are mine so please don't say I didn't give credit to the maker. I'm patting myself on the back right now! ^_~ All disclaimers apply. Thankx!!! 

*Memories* 

'How could you leave me standing here? How could you leave me alone? How can tomorrow Hold anything but fear? How could you say 1 thing And do something else? How could you do this to me Mommy?' 

By Jadet 

It was raining. Nothing new of course, but it certainly put a damper on the party. It was supposed to be a big success, 'supposed to' the key words. Heero Yuy, pilot of the Wing 0 and nicknamed the 'perfect solider', stared unseeing out the window. Why did he care if it rained, he certainly didn't want to be here. It was all that annoying Duo's fault, elbowing him when Ms. Relena Peacecraft had handed them the invitations. Taking Heero's surprised expression as a yes, Relena instantly babbled out her thanks and good wishes for the party. Heero decided right then something very important. He was going to kill Duo. So now here he was, suffering through a high-class party with all his enemies surrounding him on all sides. So what if they had all come here on neutral ground, enemies were enemies. Oh yes, he was defidently going to kill Duo. 

Fighting an overwhelming feeling of unease, Heero's dark blue eyes narrowed as he watched the rain patter against the glass. The sounds of people talking and laughing began to fade out as Heero concentrated on the rain. What was it about the rain that made Heero's so uncomfortable, almost sad? It sure wasn't the damper it put on the party, hell no, Heero couldn't be happier that slowly most of the people were beginning to don their jackets and coats and scramble toward their cars like mice. It sure wasn't the 'feel' of the rain, the almost suffocating gloomy feeling that always kills the giddy happiness, even of those who are always annoyingly happy(i.e. Duo). When did he ever experience true happiness anyway? The only thing that compared to that was when he was in battle, but then again how could you call that happy? So the rain couldn't have that type of effect on him. No, Heero couldn't place what about the rain made him shiver inside while a hollow pain attacked his chest, or more precisely, his heart. No he couldn't place it, and it was making him angry. 

Relena Peacecraft, youngest child of the Peacecraft family and ruler of the Cinq Kingdom, was incredibly bored. As much as she loved talking to others of different races and beliefs, she was tired of everyone treating her like someone to dump all their problems onto. Time after time, a new face would pop up into her line of sight and complain all about their country's problems, shoving the previous complainer away. The cycle never seemed to end, for every time she thought she could get away, someone else would JUST have to talk to her. Relena sighed and pulled a hand through her thick dark blond hair in frustration. She needed to get away, now. Desperately she began to search the crowd around her, looking for a friendly face. Spotting Noin, she allowed a smile to grow on her face. Signaling Noin, her trusted protector and friend, she slipped away as silently as possible. Noin, her blue eyes filled with understanding, nodded and motioned the now confused gentlemen towards her with a wave of her hand. Relena sighed in relief and stole off to her bedchambers. It was times like this that she really appreciated her second identity. Padding down the dark corridors, she listened as the music from the dining room became fainter and fainter. Although she knew she shouldn't really be doing this, she was tired of the party, the people, and having to be Ms. Relena Peacecraft. Coming to a large oak door with intricate designs of roses, she smiled and allowed herself entrance. Silently closing her bedroom door behind her, she walked towards her chest at the foot of her bed. Kneeling in front of it, she quickly opened it and brought two things out. Placing a dark, almost black wig on her head, and changing from her stunningly white gown to a royal blue that matched her eyes, she changed. Twirling in front of the mirror, Jessica Bellair smiled at her reflection. Only Noin and Pagan knew about her second identity for she had never told anyone, not even her dear brother, Milyardo. Tucking the last strand of blond hair under the wig, Relena stepped out of her room and towards the party. Relena didn't like to be deceitful but once in awhile Relena decided she needed a break from being the highly disciplined peace negotiator. Plus, Relena thought with a smile, Heero's here tonight and I want to talk to him. She quickened her pace and entered the dinning room unaware of the people about to burst into the room. 

Heero looked up sharply when he felt a gentle tug on his tightly fitting black suit. Narrowing his eyes he glanced up to see a dark haired woman with the most gorgeous but strangely familiar blue eyes. Heero's heart jumped and a picture of a dark haired woman flashed through his mind, causing him to shake with uncontrolled sorrow. What the hell? Heero had began glaring unknowingly and was surprised as he head a VERY familiar voice come from the dark haired beauty standing before him. 

"Heero Yuy, stop glaring at me this instant. I only wanted to talk to you," The voice stated in a gentle reprimand. Heero suddenly smirked. No wonder the blue eyes were familiar. 

"Relena." Heero simply stated, smiling as she glanced nervously around at the people closest by. Clamping a warm hand over his mouth, she glared at him for all she was worth. 

"Shhhhhh! Don't say that so loud, it's not Relena when I'm like this, it's Jessica." Heero again felt a sharp tug at his heart and began to glare again. The glare wasn't directed at Relena of course, but at the overwhelming feeling intruding inside of him. Carefully taking her hand off his mouth, Relena sighed and sat down on the opposite side of the small windowsill. Feeling slightly guilty she wrung her hands together in her lap. "Don't be mad Heero, I don't do this all the time." 

Heero looked up in surprise and was about to ask what she meant when a sudden piercing scream filled the air. Jumping to his feet, he unconsciously stood in front of Relena. There! Over to the left a group of 30 guys dressed in all black stood in the entrance way. One of them was holding a gun to a very fat lady's head. Heero glanced to his right and found Duo and Quatra also in defensive positions. Heero didn't need to look to know that Wufei and Trowa were also in similar positions on his left. Good, at least he had some help if it came down to a fight. 

One of the black masked people, obviously the leader since he was directing his men in a tight half circle around the guests, looked around cockily and finally spotted Heero in the corner. He looked surprised, almost scared for an instant but quickly changed his expression. Smiling with an evil expression on his face, he pointed his gun at the most dangerous man in the room and was rewarded by Heero crouching even lower. A soft laugh filled the terror stricken room. 

"I wouldn't try it, Heero Yuy. Although your a Gundam pilot, you still can't dodge a bullet at this close of range." the leader called, his voice washing over all the frightened hushed whispers, silencing them. Heero's frowned deepened before standing straight again. The leader laughed, his gun still pointed at Heero. "That's better. Listen up," he called out, drawing the entire room's attention. "I, and my comrades, are here to take Ms. Relena Peacecraft. If none of you put up any form of resistance, we shall leave you alone and you may go home unharmed. Any resistance however, will be dealt with severely. Now if you all would kindly stand up, this shall only take a few minutes." The room fell into a awkward hush as the sounds of chairs being pushed back. Slowly the room stood nervously, glancing around the room. All of them had one thought in their mind. Where was Relena? 

Heero felt Relena shrink back behind him and nervously clutch at his jacket. No way was he going to let anyone come near her. Heero frowned as that possessive thought pushed into his mind. Why would he care if they took her? It would just save him the hassle of trying to kill her himself which seemed to get harder each time. So why would he care? Heero's eyes darkened as his mind answered. You just do. A low growl escaped his lips. Not the answer he wanted to hear. 

The commander glanced around, his fear growing. He was in the same room with all 5 Gundam pilots demanding someone who they had all vowed to protect. Why did this seem like a bad idea? Swallowing nervously, he looked back over at Heero, the most dangerous of all the Gundam pilots. It wasn't that the other Gundam pilots weren't dangerous, far from it actually. No it was Heero's unpredictability and cold calm that always won the fight. The boy had the intelligence of someone way beyond his years and better strategizing than any general alive. No matter the odds, the boy never seemed to become scared or back away from a fight. No, he faced them all head on, his icy blue eyes staring impassively at his soon to be victims. This is what made Heero Yuy so dangerous, and so scary for low ranking officers like himself. Gripping his gun tighter, the commander tried to look away from Heero's cold but extremely compelling gaze. It was then the commander noticed a flash of movement behind him. Leaning to the side, the commander noticed a young woman cowering behind Heero. It wasn't the blue eyes or the frightened but brave and resistant look in her eyes, no, it was the blond strand that had worked it's way free from the wig. Smiling evilly, he inclined his head over to where Heero and the young woman stood and nodded to his men. The men all smiled in a similar fashion and began to close the circle around to young people. 

Heero stiffened and pushed Relena back farther in the corner with his body. Relena, about to protest, felt the words die on her lips. Dear God, they were coming over here. Dang it. She was sure that they wouldn't recognize her in this wig and dress. Now she had no choice but to give herself up to protect the people in the room. Since they had all not known where she was, none of them really weren't in any danger. But now if she resisted, the surrounding by-standers might get hurt to assure she would come with them. Sighing but straightening her shoulders, Relena tried to push away from Heero's guarding back. It was impossible, it was like pushing against a brick wall. Relena tried again but found once again, it was impossible. Frowning deeply, she pinched his back. All the response she got from him was his muscle rippling underneath her hand. Relena almost snorted in annoyance. NOW he pays attention to her and decides to become Mr. Protective. The boy didn't know how to make up his mind, one day he's pointing a gun at her head, the next he was making sure someone else didn't do what he was going to do the other day. Dang him for being the most confusing boy alive! Relena rolled her eyes but watched silently behind Heero at the men coming toward her. 

Heero almost smiled as he felt Relena sigh behind his back. She finally got he wasn't about to allow her to give herself over to those men. Heero quickly took count of the men surrounding him and felt a small smirk take bloom on his face. Only 15? Not the full 30? Too easy. Too dumb on their parts. Especially with the other Gundam pilots also coming to aide him. Crouching lower, Heero waited until the first stupid soldier came too close before sending him flying with a high kick to the head. The man never knew what hit him, for he was out instantly. The others, now more cautious, formed a wary circle around him, forgetting about Relena who stood in the corner wringing her hands together. Heero's smirk just widened as two of the soldiers turned around at the tap on the shoulder to find either Wufei or Duo's fist. Two others went down as Quatra and Trowa also joined the fight. 10 more to go, Heero's mind sang as he ducked under the fist of a young soldier and knocked him out with a upper cut punch to the chin. 9. Duo's foot found the groin of another soldier. 8. Trowa, moving just a tad bit more slowly for a small cut on his leg, landed a hard punch right between the eyes. Nightie night. 7. 6. 5. The remaining 15 men who hadn't come to challenge Heero and the others, looked nervously at one another before scrambling out the open doorway. Heero felt grimly satisfied as the remaining men began to drop like flies. Ramming his fist into one of the last few standing soldiers, he came face to face with the leader. The commander, now only leading 2 men that were rapidly getting their butts kicked, took a step back away from Heero and brought his gun up. Taking aim, he shot it at Heero's head with a shout. Idiot, Heero thought as he moved his head to the side. The sound of glass shattering and a scream interrupted Heero's thought though, and he turned towards Relena's frightened cry. With a cry of his own, the commander laughed and while holding the barrel of his gun in this hands, slammed the handle down on Heero's head. A loud crack was echoed through the noise packed room, but an even greater cry was heard as Heero turned and grabbed the gun from the commander's hands. Pointing the barrel at the commander, Heero let loose 1 shot. A hit for a hit. 

Relena let out a sigh of relief as she watched Heero stand contemptibly over the commander's body. For a second she was worried her scream of surprise had caused Heero to be knocked out. But there he was, standing none the worse for the wear. Smiling to herself she looked around the room. The guests, still in shock, began to stream out the door, pushing each other. Silly people, the danger is over, Relena thought. 

Heero stood, his eyes beginning to see double as he began to sway. A hit for a hit, he had thought. I bet the bastard didn't have a splitting headache like this though. Heero smirked and glanced toward where Relena stood, her wig partially on her head. Behind her the rain poured down through the night, oblivious to the many people rushing from the house into the night. The rain, Heero thought as his knees buckled underneath him. The rain, I wonder why I hate the rain? Heero frowned intently as the blackness consumed him. The rain........ 

************************************************************************************************* *FLASHBACK* ~10 YEARS AGO~ (By the way, Heero is kinda dreaming this) 

He never knew his mother. The small boy, only 6 years of age, had lost his mother when he was just barely turning two. The poor kid, somehow he had thought that he had caused his mothers death, which wasn't true at all. She had died from a deadly form of cancer scientists had yet to cure. The poor, poor child. And now those evil men wanted him to be a Gundam pilot in about 10 years time and train extensively till then! They wanted him to participate in the "Operation Meteor", a suicide mission. It didn't matter that 49 others had also been chosen and the ones that were the best or survived would be chosen, she wasn't going to loose him too. She wasn't going to loose her only and last living relative. She wasn't going to loose her nephew! 

Jessica glanced down at the small boy standing silently beside her while they waited in line. For a boy of 6 he already had the discipline of someone much, much older, for unlike many of the children also waiting, he and 4 others were the only ones who stood by their guardians, silent. The other children ran around like chickens with their heads cut off, yelling and screaming. It was really getting on her nerves, yet she wished her nephew acted like that. Like a child with nothing on his mind but to cause mischief and play. But that had been taken away from him when he was young by his father, and now this 'Dr. J' wanted him to become a living machine, the 'perfect soldier'. They wanted to turn her sweet, yet brooding little nephew into a cold person with no feelings. If she was allowed, she would grab her little boy and run out of there this instant. But she wasn't, they would just take the boy away from her by force and not let her see him again. She couldn't allow that to happen. She had promised Sara that she would raise her son like her very own. No high-minded jerk of a scientist was going to stop her from fulfilling her promise to her sister. Jessica tightened her grip on her nephew's hand and glared at the men who were daring to ruin his life. Tossing her dark raven hair behind her, she shook the rain from her hair. It was pouring outside and they had just come inside to where it was dry. Jessica began to worry about her son, as she now called him, getting a cold. Unconsciously she pulled her son closer to her and the warmth of her body. 

The little boy glanced up at his 'mother'. He knew that she wasn't his real mother, for she had told him may great stories about his mother, but he had always considered her his mom. Since the death of his mother, she had always cared for him like a mother. And when the courts finally allowed full custody to Jessica just a few months ago, he had began to live with his aunt in her apartment. It was small but neither one minded the closeness. They both were the silent brooders of the family, both dark and mysterious, but both very loyal to one another. He loved her like no other, not even his real mother came close. His auntie Jessie, or Mother as he called her, was always the one there to protect him from his father when he got into his rages, and she was always the one that pulled him out of his brothers cruel jokes. She understood him, and he understood her. She was the only person he had let close to his heart, he trusted her completely. And finally now that he didn't have to live with his abusive father and cold hearted brother, he was content. But not for much longer. 

OZ, scared of the colonies plans of the future Gundam pilots, was going to end Operation Meteor before it started. They had discovered the secret hide-out for the resistance and sent over 40 mobil suits to destroy everyone and everything. They weren't going to let one possible Gundam pilot get away, to do so was to guarantee future battles, even death. OZ, content with the knowledge that they were ridding themselves of a problem before it started, sat back and watched as the massacre took place. It was the most heartless act in all history and was recorded down as the "Colony L-1 Massacre Of No Reason". 

Jessica looked around wildly as she ran from the mobil suits chasing her, her son clutched tightly to her chest. There was no warning. One minute, the roof was over their heads. The next, mobil suits were chasing them down and shooting at them! No, God no! She couldn't loose her son now! Not after saving him from his father, not after working so hard to win his trust, she couldn't loose him now! Her shoulders heaved as she ran, looking everywhere, ANYWHERE where there was a hiding spot. She had to find someplace safe to put him. It didn't matter what happened to her, she couldn't let her son die now. He was too pure, too good to die at the hands of a merciless organization who didn't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Tears blurred her vision as well as the rain as she ran through the cold, dark night. The rain poured down on them in sheets, making her footing less sure. Twice she tripped and landed on her side to prevent her son from being hurt. Her head pounding, she continued on, the screams of thousands of people being killed following her. Jessica felt her son clutch her tighter around the neck as he watched the massacre behind them as she ran. He began to shiver and Jessica held him tighter. 

"Don't look, baby, don't look. I won't let anything happen to you. Shhh, don't worry," she whispered, still straining to see through the night. She felt her son nod against her shoulder and smiled in reaction. She knew she was the only one he truly trusted, and she wasn't about to let him down now when he most needed her. A sudden burst of light from her right forced Jessica to turn her back and try and run the opposite direction. The light, a shot from one of the mobil suits, glazed her right side and caused her to pitch forward. A sudden jerk of her leg assured she would fall on her left side to prevent any damage to her son. Crying in pain and fear, she rose quickly and ran through the night, the rain still pelting her and causing her hair to stick to her face. Ignoring the blinding pain that was radiating from her side, she ran on and into the bushes. The mobil suit lost sight of her then and decided she was as good as dead. 

"Red ALPHA 002 here sir, got one of the women and children. Will continue to look for the others. Over." Getting an okay, the mobil suit continued on, oblivious he was only half right. 

The boy awoke some time later. They were still in the bushes where they had run into and he was still in his mothers arms. Something wasn't right though, he was cold plus being soaking wet. Shouldn't he be some-what warm since he was in his mothers arms? He half turned and looked at his mother who was smiling down at him, her eyes glazed over with pain. 

"Hey baby, bout time you woke up," she whispered, her voice no louder than the wind lazily flowing through the trees. Her son smiled and looked at her side where one of her hands was pressed. Blood, almost dry but with a little trickle still flowing, covered her hand and side. The boy cried out in shock and pushed out of his mothers arms so that he could look better at the wound. Her arms found him again and pulled him back down by her side, hiding her side from his view. A small shaky smile found it's way to Jessica's lips, her pale face highlighting the blue tinge. The little boy looked inquiringly at his mother. 

"Mama, you okay?" he whispered, the volume of his voice matching her own. Jessica smiled even wider and winked at her son. 

"Just a scratch, baby, just a scratch. Now go to sleep until morning and I'll sing you a song, okay?" the little boy nodded before closing his eyes. Jessica allowed her smile to fade a bit as she moved a bit to get more comfortable before starting to sing a song that had just popped into her mind while she lay holding the son while he slept, her life slipping from her. 

"Open up your heart to me, and let me tell you what I see. I see someone who cares for others, but doesn't want anyone to know. I see someone with a pure heart, who strives to make things better. I see someone without any real fear, who always does the right thing. Yet I see someone who's scared of letting anyone too close. And I see someone who will continue on, even when I'm not there. So when you ask what I see in your hear, I answer you this. What I see, makes me love you, all the more," By the end her voice was barely hearable and hesitant as she gulped breaths, but it didn't matter since the boy she was singing to had fallen asleep, lulled by his mothers voice. Shaking silently, Jessica leaned forward to kiss her son's forehead before leaning back and watching his sleeping face once more and for the last time. "My baby, you'll have to go on without me. Know that I love you and am always watching you. I may not be here in body, but I am always with you. I will never stop loving you so continue you on as you are, my little warrior." With a sigh Jessica fell asleep for the last time, lulled by her sons breathing. The rain continued all through the night, ignoring the sleeping boy in his mothers arms who would wake up to not know her. The rain didn't care that the boy would grow up to be one of the Gundam pilots, the most dangerous men of all time. The rain didn't care and continued to fall. 

************************************************************************************************* 

*BACK TO THE PRESENT* 

Heero woke up with the worst headache in his life. Wanting to rub it a bit he tried to raise his arm but found it impossible. Looking down he caught the sight of wires connected up to him, fluid dripping and running through the tubes. Where am I? he thought, trying to look around. The movement made him wince as the room began to spin. Closing his eyes he took a few deep breaths before opening his eyes again. It was sunny outside for the sun was shining through the windows onto the foot of his bed. Looking about the room he concluded he was in the hospital. What the hell...... The memories of going to Relena's party and the fight washed back into Heero's mind causing his headache to get worse. Oh yeah. Swallowing a groan, he pushed himself up and looked out the window. Jessica, his mother. Now he remembered that night. He had been told by Dr. J that the following morning of the massacre he had been found sitting up next to the body of a woman, suffering from amnesia. He hadn't known who the woman was before now, he had just thought it was just another woman. Now he knew, it was his mother. The pain washed over him like a tidal wave and Heero felt tears gather in the back of his eyes. He remembered now. He remembered how much he loved her, and how much it still hurt to think of her. Closing his eyes, he pushed back the tears and took a few calming breaths. Crying wouldn't help any right now, he thought and took one more look around the room. He was startled to see 5 chairs settled all around his bed, all containing a blanket and a pillow. Who did these belong to? Heero caught himself wondering. Shrugging his shoulders, he proceeded to detach each tube one by one. Just then Relena entered the room, holding a bunch of red roses in her arms. Heero quickly lay down and closed his eyes till they were but a crack. What was she doing here? Heero thought to himself. 

Relena, slightly frizzled from sleeping 3 nights in a chair hospital along with the 4 other Gundam pilots, took the now wilting roses from a vase next to Heero's bed and replaced them with the new one's she had just ordered cut from her garden. Satisfied that it looked good, she took the dying flowers and placed them on the windowsill to dry out. She could make some nice fragrances with those. Dusting her hands she walked back over to Heero's side and looked at his face. It started with only one tear but it increased in volume till she was close to sobbing. 

"Oh Heero, I'm so sorry. It's my fault you are here right now. I do apologize. I should have never have became that dreadful Jessica Bellair. If I hadn't, you would be all right. I must thank you though, you saved my life again. But, Heero.... why you?" grasping his hand in hers she sobbed, her shoulders slumped while her hair hid her face from all those who could see. Heero felt a slight tug on his heart but forced himself not to squeeze her hand. He didn't know how to deal with her right now. Not wanting to admit it but she touched him where he thought no one else could touch after his mother. She broke through the barriers and touched his heart. Going against his good judgement, he squeezed her hand lightly and was rewarded with her head snapping up in shock. "Hee..ee..roo?" she gasped, searching his face for any sign that he was awake. Not finding any, her shoulder slumped but quickly straightened. Smiling through her tears, she squeezed back and closed her eyes, her head resting on their joined hands. "Thank you, Heero." she whispered before falling asleep. 

Heero allowed himself a smile before letting himself relax. He hated his memories of his past, the happy ones were few and far between. But his recovered memories of his mother, the only one he hadn't remembered till now, filled him with a contentment he hadn't felt in 10 years. Not all memories were bad, he supposed. Heero fell asleep, clutching Relena's hand between his own while his mother's words repeated themselves in his mind. 

"I may not be here in body, but I am always with you. I will never stop loving you so continue you on as you are, my little warrior." **The End, for now.....** 

I hope that was okay everyone, I got that idea from looking at all of Heero's pictures while I gathered them for my soon-to-be website. I always wondered why he never let anyone too close, so here was my view on what might(but not likely) have happened. Thanks everyone, and please review. I get so depressed when people read but don't comment...... Ja ne mina-san! 


End file.
